jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
