im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
