I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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