I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
