I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
