Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
These tits shall not be calmed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
