Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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