Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
