worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
