at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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