..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
