Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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