High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
