what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The power of my boobs compel you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
