so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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