As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
