yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
