Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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