I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
