Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
