If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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