Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
