I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize