she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
