My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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