I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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