you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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