Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
