failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize