let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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