you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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