How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
