I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
