Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
