vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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