So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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