I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
