Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize