Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
