He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
