Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I only lived at night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
