How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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