Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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