My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
