You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
