So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
