So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
