All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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