I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
