Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
