I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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