Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
