some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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