Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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