Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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