He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
