You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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