thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize