Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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