She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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