ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
