I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
