4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
